The Feast has always been about life yet death is very close to many who attend.
This blog is in memory of Anthony McKain!
He was more commonly known as 'Wheels' because he was unable to walk and therefore was in a wheelchair. Wheels died whilst serving a 3 year sentence in HMP Belmarsh in April 2012.
I got to know Wheels early on in my time in Catford so probably about 8 years ago. I visited the bungalow that he lived in. It was a shocking place, windows broken and radiators hanging off the wall. He was separated from his wife and he never spoke badly of her because he was frustrated at himself rather then her for their split. He allowed many people to stay at his when they were homeless which led to even more chaos. It was only time before he lost his property and Wheels spent many years homeless. Hostels never worked for him. Sadly for myself and other housing worker who did everything they could ultimately his anger and addiction prevented him from finding accommodation again. His disability always added an extra layer of complication, even to his end!
I received a letter from Wheels in March, written from prison. I have read it many times again since hearing that he had killed himself. The letter makes me cry!
Here in his own words is the reality of life and death. [Extracts from the letter].
"As you can see my life's caught up with me again [prison]. I actually was trying to make a change but life just didn't go to plan. It got so freaky!"
"I got seriously drunk to numb the pain and also cope with the freezing cold of trying to sleep under a tarpaulin under a hedge"
"I was on the verge of ending it all so committed enough crime to get put in prison just to get out of the cold before I neded up dead but didn't intend gettnig 3 years."
"most people do some form of work in here, I can't even do that as the workshops are up the stairs."
"say hello to everyone, hope you all had a nice Christmas. Hope you got something nice. Although I don't know them , hope your family are fine. Remember good as you are, they put up with your busy life and the cranks you deal deal with, Ha Ha."
I understood Wheels and he understood me. We didn't agree on everything but we respected each other. Death took Wheels before he found a Life worth living. I miss him!
Thursday, 24 May 2012
Thursday, 19 April 2012
Nevertheless is a brilliant word
What are you aiming for? I like to have targets. Last Christmas I was given a GPS watch, which records how fast you are moving plus lots of other stats when I am running, cycling and walking. When I am running it provides a target to beat although I suffered the disappointment that I could not improve my previous best every time I ran! I use it on the bike as well but the targets are not always time related. When the road is flattish I am time focused but when I get to the hills especially the 25% incline that is Church Hill in Cudham for example it becomes a personal battle against the tarmac. Can I climb the hill and survive?
However in my work I have to set a different sort of target. When you work with vulnerable people the progression is more roller coaster than steady improvement. Sometimes simply hanging on without embarrassing yourself by screaming is the only way through!! In reality all people take steps forward and steps backwards, it is just that some backward steps are illegal or dangerous. And it can be seemingly very small things that present big obstacles.
The Jericho Road Project has grown to now include a significant number of people from addictive backgrounds, criminal backgrounds and generally difficult troubled backgrounds. One of my targets is very basic - It is simply maintaining every part of the Project as a positive place to be and not allow people's past issues to cause damage to each other. The result is that people have to become part of the solution for each other, it is the only way forward with the scale we are at. That is why time spent helping people choose to forgive or help them learn to communicate well with each other is my time well spent.
Maintaining a BIG target (Vision) and also being satisfied with the day to day nitty gritty of helping people is essential. I have found the words in Jeremiah 33 to be so encouraging. Jeremiah described the destruction and bloodshed in the land (in recent weeks I have heard and seen new examples of the brokenness of people). He then uses the word NEVERTHELESS and it is the most brilliant word in chapter 33 - it could say 'despite everything' 'regardless of what you have done or had done to you' - Nevertheless, God says he will bring health and healing to [his city]; [He] will heal his people and let them enjoy abundant peace and security.
This is a target I have for every person I meet. It shapes how I speak to people. It reflects why we keep going with people who let us down. It is why we take risks with people. It is why when people say there is no point trying anymore, I am able to say there is hope. It's why we work with some of the most difficult people in our society.
However in my work I have to set a different sort of target. When you work with vulnerable people the progression is more roller coaster than steady improvement. Sometimes simply hanging on without embarrassing yourself by screaming is the only way through!! In reality all people take steps forward and steps backwards, it is just that some backward steps are illegal or dangerous. And it can be seemingly very small things that present big obstacles.
The Jericho Road Project has grown to now include a significant number of people from addictive backgrounds, criminal backgrounds and generally difficult troubled backgrounds. One of my targets is very basic - It is simply maintaining every part of the Project as a positive place to be and not allow people's past issues to cause damage to each other. The result is that people have to become part of the solution for each other, it is the only way forward with the scale we are at. That is why time spent helping people choose to forgive or help them learn to communicate well with each other is my time well spent.
Maintaining a BIG target (Vision) and also being satisfied with the day to day nitty gritty of helping people is essential. I have found the words in Jeremiah 33 to be so encouraging. Jeremiah described the destruction and bloodshed in the land (in recent weeks I have heard and seen new examples of the brokenness of people). He then uses the word NEVERTHELESS and it is the most brilliant word in chapter 33 - it could say 'despite everything' 'regardless of what you have done or had done to you' - Nevertheless, God says he will bring health and healing to [his city]; [He] will heal his people and let them enjoy abundant peace and security.
This is a target I have for every person I meet. It shapes how I speak to people. It reflects why we keep going with people who let us down. It is why we take risks with people. It is why when people say there is no point trying anymore, I am able to say there is hope. It's why we work with some of the most difficult people in our society.
Tuesday, 20 March 2012
Chepstow Circles!
Last week 17 of us from the Jericho Road Project went to Chepstow for 4 days. We stayed at Woodcroft Christian Centre, which is a great venue with plenty of space to relax. We had lots of rooms, a kitchen, table tennis area, pool room, TV lounge, a sport hall and even our own Peacock strutting around the grounds. We did a walk up a mountain, did some rock climbing, went to some waterfalls, played a pool tournament, worshipped God and read the bible. We had a relaxed fun time.
I have done days out and residential trips for all 10 years of the project. One of the most memorable trips was to Knowle Park because we managed to leave someone behind and also spent ages finding someone else who had fallen asleep under a tree! It was that trip which increased the crime rate at the National Trust gift shop but it was offset by Catford having less street drinkers for that day! Sid the Punk came with us and on the journey there we had to stop for him to take a toilet break by the road side - I had no idea how many layers a Punk wears and therefore how long it takes to do a 'quick' wee!
Chepstow didn't have any Punks but I did have an emergency toilet stop with a difference. On our return we going at a slow pace in London traffic and I really needed to go so the 'human Satnav' (In London Streets he is brilliant but needs lots of food to keep him going!) stopped us outside the bookies to use their toilet. I can't remember ever going into a bookies before but I wasn't going to protest at that moment. As you might expect the group thought this was really funny.
So every Chepstow holiday (this was our 4th year) has it's particular memories. It is the people that make the difference and this year's bunch were great. On the Wednesday night people shared some very personal reflections from lives that had suffered much, often from a very young age. It was not always comfortable listening but it was very real. It was also in the context of God being the great rebuilder. The previous night we had read "Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security" (Jeremiah 33:6). We were a group of people whose lives had been changed, were being changed whilst we were together and will continue to be changed in the future.
Two reflections at the end of the week summed it up: "this week has helped me understand what church is all about" and "this is what the church is talking about when it says move from rows to circles" [which is the current King's preaching series looking at how we build community together]
Chepstow is a long way to go to make a circle but the great thing is that we brought the circle back with us!
I have done days out and residential trips for all 10 years of the project. One of the most memorable trips was to Knowle Park because we managed to leave someone behind and also spent ages finding someone else who had fallen asleep under a tree! It was that trip which increased the crime rate at the National Trust gift shop but it was offset by Catford having less street drinkers for that day! Sid the Punk came with us and on the journey there we had to stop for him to take a toilet break by the road side - I had no idea how many layers a Punk wears and therefore how long it takes to do a 'quick' wee!
Chepstow didn't have any Punks but I did have an emergency toilet stop with a difference. On our return we going at a slow pace in London traffic and I really needed to go so the 'human Satnav' (In London Streets he is brilliant but needs lots of food to keep him going!) stopped us outside the bookies to use their toilet. I can't remember ever going into a bookies before but I wasn't going to protest at that moment. As you might expect the group thought this was really funny.
So every Chepstow holiday (this was our 4th year) has it's particular memories. It is the people that make the difference and this year's bunch were great. On the Wednesday night people shared some very personal reflections from lives that had suffered much, often from a very young age. It was not always comfortable listening but it was very real. It was also in the context of God being the great rebuilder. The previous night we had read "Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security" (Jeremiah 33:6). We were a group of people whose lives had been changed, were being changed whilst we were together and will continue to be changed in the future.
Two reflections at the end of the week summed it up: "this week has helped me understand what church is all about" and "this is what the church is talking about when it says move from rows to circles" [which is the current King's preaching series looking at how we build community together]
Chepstow is a long way to go to make a circle but the great thing is that we brought the circle back with us!
Friday, 9 March 2012
A short history of my swimming career
Rebekah and I celebrated our 15 wedding anniversary last night by watching David Walliams swimming 140 miles in the Thames - romantic hey! Don't worry we are going away for the weekend.
Swimming is simply really hard work. This year I will do my first Olympic distance Triathlon which involves a 1500m swim in one of the docks on the River Thames. And whilst I can now swim that distance in a lunch break at the local swimming pool, I have not swum in the Thames in a wetsuit nor had hundreds of other bashing into me ever before.
The real problem I have always had with swimming is the breathing thing. When I was young I swam backstroke to avoid having mouthfuls of chlorinated water choking me. I could sprint a length and at the end be totally breathless. In fact my best swimming moment came in the school gala which was in the days when my secondary school had an outdoor pool. It was solar heated! I was sports captain and I managed to lead the Saxon House to victory in all the sports events. It required powers of persuasion, which was easier to do when it meant I could get children out of their lessons but lots of persuasion I did. The final event of the swimming gala was the sixth form relay race and I had the last leg. Now I can't remember what position I was when I started the length I had to swim but I came home first and as a result my house was victorious!
Well the breathing thing (or rather lack of breathing which is easily mistaken as drowning!) was still a problem until about 5 years ago. I did my first sprint Triathlon (400m swim) doing back stroke. No I've never seen anyone else ever do backstroke at a Triathlon either!. So I had to learn how to breath and do front crawl at the same time. I asked anyone who could swim well, how it was done. I watched and learnt, then practiced. I can now do front crawl and breath comfortably nearly all the time. It is one of my great personal victories. I need to credit Carl for helping me to swim well and in a straight line, thanks. Carl and his wife Kate are my swimming heros, they swim outdoors all year round without a wetsuit. Ice does not stop them!
And then last week something new happened to me. I swam and instead of concentrating intently on remembering to stay afloat, I found myself daydreaming as I swam. It had become a learnt behaviour. It was a new milestone in my swimming history.
So later this year I will swim almost a mile in the Thames and whilst it is 139 miles less than David Walliams I will be breaking new water in my swimming history!
Swimming is simply really hard work. This year I will do my first Olympic distance Triathlon which involves a 1500m swim in one of the docks on the River Thames. And whilst I can now swim that distance in a lunch break at the local swimming pool, I have not swum in the Thames in a wetsuit nor had hundreds of other bashing into me ever before.
The real problem I have always had with swimming is the breathing thing. When I was young I swam backstroke to avoid having mouthfuls of chlorinated water choking me. I could sprint a length and at the end be totally breathless. In fact my best swimming moment came in the school gala which was in the days when my secondary school had an outdoor pool. It was solar heated! I was sports captain and I managed to lead the Saxon House to victory in all the sports events. It required powers of persuasion, which was easier to do when it meant I could get children out of their lessons but lots of persuasion I did. The final event of the swimming gala was the sixth form relay race and I had the last leg. Now I can't remember what position I was when I started the length I had to swim but I came home first and as a result my house was victorious!
Well the breathing thing (or rather lack of breathing which is easily mistaken as drowning!) was still a problem until about 5 years ago. I did my first sprint Triathlon (400m swim) doing back stroke. No I've never seen anyone else ever do backstroke at a Triathlon either!. So I had to learn how to breath and do front crawl at the same time. I asked anyone who could swim well, how it was done. I watched and learnt, then practiced. I can now do front crawl and breath comfortably nearly all the time. It is one of my great personal victories. I need to credit Carl for helping me to swim well and in a straight line, thanks. Carl and his wife Kate are my swimming heros, they swim outdoors all year round without a wetsuit. Ice does not stop them!
And then last week something new happened to me. I swam and instead of concentrating intently on remembering to stay afloat, I found myself daydreaming as I swam. It had become a learnt behaviour. It was a new milestone in my swimming history.
So later this year I will swim almost a mile in the Thames and whilst it is 139 miles less than David Walliams I will be breaking new water in my swimming history!
Thursday, 9 February 2012
Who would want to be the England Manager?
I am sure that every view on the team at the pinnacle of our national sport has been expressed but here are a few of my thoughts.
Why are the English FA doing paying £24 million to any manager? Absolutely staggering! Immediately abandon this stupidity.
Having no manager and captain now makes no difference to how well England will do in the Euro's.
By definition the captain of the English team is given to human being so why do we have expectations that they are going to be a saint. The role is only important to the media who need a figure to talk to and who shakes hands first. Recent captains who have been found wanting by the media are simply a reflection of society. Honestly finding a morally upstanding England captain will give me more reason to be shocked.
Every football fan in the country thinks they could do the job and I think lots could if it didn't involve the media pressure that descends. Ultimately we don't have the best squad of players in the World or Europe and if you believed the table that we are the 4th or 5th best team in the world that still means there are 3 or 4 better teams. International football involves too many non playing days, the weeks of build up is suffocating, daily press requirements etc. The job requires remarkable PR skills rather than remarkable football management.
For what's it's worth I would like Martin O'Neill to be the next England manager.
Why are the English FA doing paying £24 million to any manager? Absolutely staggering! Immediately abandon this stupidity.
Having no manager and captain now makes no difference to how well England will do in the Euro's.
By definition the captain of the English team is given to human being so why do we have expectations that they are going to be a saint. The role is only important to the media who need a figure to talk to and who shakes hands first. Recent captains who have been found wanting by the media are simply a reflection of society. Honestly finding a morally upstanding England captain will give me more reason to be shocked.
Every football fan in the country thinks they could do the job and I think lots could if it didn't involve the media pressure that descends. Ultimately we don't have the best squad of players in the World or Europe and if you believed the table that we are the 4th or 5th best team in the world that still means there are 3 or 4 better teams. International football involves too many non playing days, the weeks of build up is suffocating, daily press requirements etc. The job requires remarkable PR skills rather than remarkable football management.
For what's it's worth I would like Martin O'Neill to be the next England manager.
Even more FASTER
There were a number of questions following my blog last week about the FASTER scale so best to read that blog first.
Qu. What to do with anxiety?
The key to Anxiety in the FASTER scale model is based on knowing what your 'building blocks' are (the things in your week that you need to remember - F). So when an individual becomes aware of anxiety building up (needs self awareness obviously) their building block may be a person who knows them well and is able to provide good advice or perhaps it is section of scripture that brings the person back to a place of faith or another example may be exercise, getting out for a run might be what is needed to get perspective on a situation. There are numerous other examples of what builds stability in life.
Qu What are 'building blocks'?
This is a 'Simon Allen' phrase. I often draw a wall with large bricks and ask someone to fill in the bricks with words describing what gives strength to their life. Here is examples of what are not 'building blocks' that I've heard someone give recently - "seeing my children once a fortnight" because in this case it exposed huge insecurity. "church on Sunday" because it left the person unsure about relational connection. Now they both could be blocks to build with but in this case they are not. Building blocks bring stability and strength to a person's life. What are your building blocks? Mine are relationship with God (reading the bible is key), my marriage, work, exercise, family and friends.
Qu. Lapse / relapse defined
I find the term lapse very helpful when I am talking with people who are struggling. It takes the heat out of someone messing up. It gives terminology when someone has done the R that they didn't want to but gives them space to get back to their priorities before the lapse becomes a relapse. Relapse is then defined when someone has given in and given up the fight to stop a particular behaviour. Do remember that this doesn't need to be a daily activity, if there is a weekly 'lapse' pattern, the person may well have moved into relapse.
Qu. At what point do you motivate the person?
"I reached my lowest point and then I did something about it". This is a common phrase in recovery stories but I would not tell someone they are at their lowest and they must do something about it. I tell people the truth so I can find myself telling people who insist they need rehab they are simply not ready to go to rehab and when they have made progress in defined areas come back.
What I aim to do is provide people with the information that will help them make an informed decision. I tell people factual health information - A man who has abused his body with alcohol is likely to experience liver failure in their mid 40's because that is the age the liver stops reproducing itself. I make sure I build people up and that a relationship with Jesus is the best way to find healing. I want people to know they are accepted and valued for who they are. I want people to know there is always hope and I don't stop telling them this. Even when I've seen men crying and shaking with wretched shame after blowing their entire months wages before they've paid rent or bought shopping, there is still hope!
Qu. What to do with anxiety?
The key to Anxiety in the FASTER scale model is based on knowing what your 'building blocks' are (the things in your week that you need to remember - F). So when an individual becomes aware of anxiety building up (needs self awareness obviously) their building block may be a person who knows them well and is able to provide good advice or perhaps it is section of scripture that brings the person back to a place of faith or another example may be exercise, getting out for a run might be what is needed to get perspective on a situation. There are numerous other examples of what builds stability in life.
Qu What are 'building blocks'?
This is a 'Simon Allen' phrase. I often draw a wall with large bricks and ask someone to fill in the bricks with words describing what gives strength to their life. Here is examples of what are not 'building blocks' that I've heard someone give recently - "seeing my children once a fortnight" because in this case it exposed huge insecurity. "church on Sunday" because it left the person unsure about relational connection. Now they both could be blocks to build with but in this case they are not. Building blocks bring stability and strength to a person's life. What are your building blocks? Mine are relationship with God (reading the bible is key), my marriage, work, exercise, family and friends.
Qu. Lapse / relapse defined
I find the term lapse very helpful when I am talking with people who are struggling. It takes the heat out of someone messing up. It gives terminology when someone has done the R that they didn't want to but gives them space to get back to their priorities before the lapse becomes a relapse. Relapse is then defined when someone has given in and given up the fight to stop a particular behaviour. Do remember that this doesn't need to be a daily activity, if there is a weekly 'lapse' pattern, the person may well have moved into relapse.
Qu. At what point do you motivate the person?
"I reached my lowest point and then I did something about it". This is a common phrase in recovery stories but I would not tell someone they are at their lowest and they must do something about it. I tell people the truth so I can find myself telling people who insist they need rehab they are simply not ready to go to rehab and when they have made progress in defined areas come back.
What I aim to do is provide people with the information that will help them make an informed decision. I tell people factual health information - A man who has abused his body with alcohol is likely to experience liver failure in their mid 40's because that is the age the liver stops reproducing itself. I make sure I build people up and that a relationship with Jesus is the best way to find healing. I want people to know they are accepted and valued for who they are. I want people to know there is always hope and I don't stop telling them this. Even when I've seen men crying and shaking with wretched shame after blowing their entire months wages before they've paid rent or bought shopping, there is still hope!
Thursday, 2 February 2012
Going FASTER may save your life!
Is relapse just the result of a one off event, a stroke of bad luck or simply an accident? How do people stay away from addictive behaviour?
One of the most useful 'models' I have ever come across is the FASTER scale and it is primarily used for people who are in 'recovery' from addiction although I think it's use goes wider. For many people who manage to abstain from their drug of choice (which may change over time) the battle be focused on not relapsing. The FASTER scale is definitely the simplest model of maintaining recovery but that also means it is memorable, I have written it on numerous cafe napkins.
Couple of comments before I start. This model works neatly alongside the 'cycle of change model', which is a more commonly used 'relapse' model and I'll do a separate blog on it sometime. You need to know Relapse is a PROCESS not an EVENT. There are always sequences of behaviour and thought that take place before Relapse. There may be a final 'event' that can be used as blame for the relapse but there has always been a PROCESS.
F.A.S.T.E.R. stands for FORGETTING PRIORITIES, ANXIETY, SPEEDING UP, TICKED OFF, EXHAUSTED, RELAPSE. The process flows from F to R and the process can take place over a few months, weeks or even over the course of a day. Let me explain.
FORGETTING PRIORITIES - I have coined the phrase 'building blocks of life' and I ask people to tell me what are the parts of the week are providing them strength. May be a support worker, work, sport, education, reading the bible, going to church. Other priorities must include housing (paying rent) and food (shopping). Sometimes this list is very small, which requires a further conversation. But once a list has been formed, people are aware of what they cannot afford to 'forget' or 'avoid' or 'hide from'.
If someone misses their priorities it leads to ...
ANXIETY - worry about any of the above. Guilt for letting people down. Bad news can cause further concern.
If someone is not able to deal with their ANXIETY it leads to ...
SPEEDING UP - inability to manage eating and sleeping. Feeling the need to prove to others that you are really OK by being really busy. Not able to listen or relax.
This continues on ...
TICKED OFF - irritated over small things or other peoples behaviour, road rage moments. Tends to lead to isolation as others avoid you.
This continues to ...
EXHAUSTED - nothing left in the tank. Spiritually, emotionally and physically bankrupt. No resistance to the next option of returning to the thing you swore you would never do again.
And then there is the inevitable RELAPSE unless there is divine/drastic intervention.
The key to helping people is help people know their priorities and how to keep them. Secondly it is knowing what to do with ANXIETY. This model works for many of life's challenges. Try it! I've used the model with others for all forms of addiction but also selfishness, anger and even marriage difficulties.
One of the most useful 'models' I have ever come across is the FASTER scale and it is primarily used for people who are in 'recovery' from addiction although I think it's use goes wider. For many people who manage to abstain from their drug of choice (which may change over time) the battle be focused on not relapsing. The FASTER scale is definitely the simplest model of maintaining recovery but that also means it is memorable, I have written it on numerous cafe napkins.
Couple of comments before I start. This model works neatly alongside the 'cycle of change model', which is a more commonly used 'relapse' model and I'll do a separate blog on it sometime. You need to know Relapse is a PROCESS not an EVENT. There are always sequences of behaviour and thought that take place before Relapse. There may be a final 'event' that can be used as blame for the relapse but there has always been a PROCESS.
F.A.S.T.E.R. stands for FORGETTING PRIORITIES, ANXIETY, SPEEDING UP, TICKED OFF, EXHAUSTED, RELAPSE. The process flows from F to R and the process can take place over a few months, weeks or even over the course of a day. Let me explain.
FORGETTING PRIORITIES - I have coined the phrase 'building blocks of life' and I ask people to tell me what are the parts of the week are providing them strength. May be a support worker, work, sport, education, reading the bible, going to church. Other priorities must include housing (paying rent) and food (shopping). Sometimes this list is very small, which requires a further conversation. But once a list has been formed, people are aware of what they cannot afford to 'forget' or 'avoid' or 'hide from'.
If someone misses their priorities it leads to ...
ANXIETY - worry about any of the above. Guilt for letting people down. Bad news can cause further concern.
If someone is not able to deal with their ANXIETY it leads to ...
SPEEDING UP - inability to manage eating and sleeping. Feeling the need to prove to others that you are really OK by being really busy. Not able to listen or relax.
This continues on ...
TICKED OFF - irritated over small things or other peoples behaviour, road rage moments. Tends to lead to isolation as others avoid you.
This continues to ...
EXHAUSTED - nothing left in the tank. Spiritually, emotionally and physically bankrupt. No resistance to the next option of returning to the thing you swore you would never do again.
And then there is the inevitable RELAPSE unless there is divine/drastic intervention.
The key to helping people is help people know their priorities and how to keep them. Secondly it is knowing what to do with ANXIETY. This model works for many of life's challenges. Try it! I've used the model with others for all forms of addiction but also selfishness, anger and even marriage difficulties.
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